


the ghosts we've left behind

by boba_tea_at_three



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, I regret everything, It's a bad idea, M/M, also don't stand in cold rain people, because i like to hurt madara ig, in case that wasn't obvious, izuna's dead btw, madara and tobirama are soulmates, please excuse them, these two are just huge idiots, you'll probably get sick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:55:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24970423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boba_tea_at_three/pseuds/boba_tea_at_three
Summary: I hate you, he wants to say, but can’t, the words tangling in his throat and sticking to his mouth as silence echoes in the sound of rain.I hate you, I hate you for everything you’ve done, I hate that you’re my soulmate, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you -But soulmates can’t lie to each other, and maybe the person Madara really hates is himself, because his little brother’s murderer has a soul that matches Madara’s own, and he’s not entirely sure what that says about him.
Relationships: Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Madara
Comments: 4
Kudos: 132





	the ghosts we've left behind

**Author's Note:**

> okay so i wrote this at like three in the morning and only just posted it now, please be gentle  
> this is literally just madara having a crisis and tobirama standing behind him, all dramatic in the rain and thunder like wow super cool  
> (don't stand in the rain. it's a bad idea.)  
> title comes from ghosts by jeremy zucker :)

"I love you,” Tobirama whispers. It’s nearly drowned out by the pouring rain and the rumble of thunder, but Madara hears it all the same. “I love you.”

_I don’t_ , Madara wants to scream. Wants to turn around and grab that infuriating, idiotic man and shake him, wants to tell him that he’s cruel and a horrible soulmate, wants to take a sword and drive it through his stomach, just like he did to Izuna.

Because Madara loved Izuna, loved his little brother and his mischievousness and his stupidity in equal turns, and there’s something terribly tragic about how the person who slaughtered his baby brother without batting an eye is somehow, impossibly, Madara’s soulmate.

_I hate you_ , he wants to say, but can’t, the words tangling in his throat and sticking to his mouth as silence echoes in the sound of rain. _I hate you, I hate you for everything you’ve done, I hate that you’re my soulmate, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you -_

But soulmates can’t lie to each other, and maybe the person Madara really hates is himself, because his little brother’s murderer has a soul that matches Madara’s own, and he’s not entirely sure what that says about him.

“I’m sorry,” is what Tobirama says next, and Madara knows that if he turns around, Tobirama will be soaked to the bone, hair plastered to his forehead, even though he could manipulate the water away in the blink of an eye.

Madara grits his teeth, and tells himself that the water on his face is rain, and nothing more.

_I want to be alone_ , is what he tries to say next, and Madara nearly screams when those words won’t leave his lips either.

There’s larger, louder splashes in the puddles on the ground behind him as Tobirama takes a few steps forward, and stops.

“If I had known that you were - ” Tobirama starts, and Madara surprises even himself when he snaps out, “Stop.”

For a long moment, the only sound between them is the patter of rain and the rumble of thunder.

“I’m sorry,” Tobirama offers again, small and hesitant and so unlike himself.

“Stop,” is all Madara says as he tries to breathe past the stabbing pain in his stomach. “Please, just - stop. I - I can’t - ” Madara’s voice sputters and dies in his throat, words choked and struggling to fit alongside the grief swirling in his chest.

There’s more steps from behind him, Tobirama only a few inches away. He touches Madara’s shoulder, light and cautious, but when Madara lets the hand stay, Tobirama steps forward until he’s right beside Madara, staring down at the gravestone of the person he killed.

His hand drifts from Madara’s shoulder to his wrist, lingering there in a silent question, and Madara lets him tangle their fingers together.

“How?” Madara asks, hopeless and desperate. “How are you my soulmate? Soulmates aren’t supposed to hurt each other, but you - you killed - ” He cuts himself off, heart constricting in his chest.

There’s silence from next to him until Tobirama murmurs, “I don’t know.”

Soulmates can't lie to each other, and so Madara takes small, petty satisfaction in the way that he’s able to say, “I don’t know either.”

The rain continues to pour.

Madara takes a shaky breath, closing his eyes and tipping his head back.

_It’s fine_ , he tells himself. _I’m fine._

But it’s _not_ and Madara wants to scream, because - because he can’t say _I hate you_ to Tobirama. Hasn’t been able to for years. And Madara hates that it’s so easy to love the man, so easy to lean against him as they sit on the floor, so easy to turn his head and watch the sun reveal fine strands of shining silver in Tobirama’s hair and think, _I love you._

Madara loves Tobirama, loves his quiet and loves his genius, but sometimes, when Madara turns his head to look at Tobirama, he realizes - remembers, really - that Tobirama’s genius killed Madara’s baby brother. That Madara is spending his days loving the person who killed his baby brother, regardless of the fact that Tobirama was his soulmate.

Those moments of awareness burn at Madara, and the phantom pain in his eyes make him want to sob and plead forgiveness.

He’s being torn in two directions, and it’s taking everything he has not to split at the seams.

Madara takes another shaky breath and shoves away the arguments already brewing in his mind in defense of both Tobirama and Izuna. He opens his eyes, bites at his lip, and when he blinks, water rolls down his cheeks.

_I’m sorry, Izuna_ , he tells the grave in front of him, and tries not to cry. _I’m so sorry, I don’t - I don’t know what you would’ve wanted, I don’t know if you would’ve told me to leave him or love him, and - please, Izuna, I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do._

Madara tries to keep his sobs in his mouth, tries to keep the tears in his eyes, and knows that he’s failed as soon as Tobirama reaches up to cup his cheek.

“I’m sorry,” Tobirama whispers again, brushing a thumb at the corner of Madara’s eye.

Madara shakes, trembles, and crashes to the ground, dragging Tobirama down with him.

“Why?” he sobs into the crook of Tobirama’s shoulder. “Why you, of all people - why did you have to - I can’t - ”

“I’m sorry,” Tobirama repeats, helpless as he wraps his arms around Madara. “I don’t know why. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Madara digs his fingers into Tobirama’s back. “I don’t know what he would’ve wanted,” he tells Tobirama, lost. “I don’t know if he would’ve told me to leave you or to love you, and I don’t know what to do - you killed him, so why can’t I say that - ” _That I hate you_ , he finishes in his mind, the words dissipating before they even reach his mouth.

“I’m sorry,” Tobirama murmurs, and hesitates. “I love you. I’m sorry.”

Madara closes his eyes and buries his head deeper into the crook of Tobirama’s shoulder.

_I want you to be happy, aniki_ , Izuna had told him once upon a time, face serious and still. It had been a conversation about potentially seeking peace with the Senju, and Izuna had told him, _I wouldn’t be happy with it. I’d be irritated and annoyed and I probably would still hate the Senju on principle, but aniki, if it makes you happy, then you can try._

_I want you to be happy._

_I’m happy with Tobirama_ , Madara thinks despite himself. But this was different, wasn’t it? Tobirama had murdered Izuna. Killed Madara’s baby brother in a horrific, painful way, leaving him to waste away in his bed.

The thought sends white-hot fury creeping through Madara’s veins, and his grip on Tobirama tightens instinctively.

But - but Tobirama was, somehow, his soulmate. And as much as Madara wished that he could say the furious, vicious words, he couldn’t say _I hate you_ to Tobirama.

_I don’t know what to do, Izuna_ , he thinks, and slumps further into Tobirama’s grip. _Am I allowed to love him?_

_That’s a stupid question_ , part of him whispers. _What part about ‘I want you to be happy’ did you not understand, dumbass?_

The voice sounds suspiciously like Izuna, and Madara can’t help the choked sob that rips out of his throat.

_I’m sorry, Izuna. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I don’t know how he’s my soulmate when he killed you, I’m so sorry -_

“Madara?”

Tobirama’s voice breaks him out of his reverie, and Madara takes a sharp, shaking breath, pulling back and meeting Tobirama’s eyes, rain still pouring down around them. Studies Tobirama’s face, the sharp red lines highlighting his cheeks and chin, watching water curve down the side of his face, and breathes in. Breathes out, and lets himself think that maybe, it’s okay.

Tobirama hesitates, clearly confused and unsure but Madara just says, “I love you,” hoarse and rough and trembling.

Tobirama gapes, clearly caught off guard, and Madara allows himself a wet laugh.

_I want you to be happy, aniki_ , echoes in his mind, bouncing off the walls. Izuna’s words, and Madara tries not to think about it too heavily, because - it really was just that simple, wasn’t it?

I want you to be happy.

Madara’s soul matches the soul of Izuna’s killer, and sometimes, more often than not, Madara hates it. On days like this, days where Izuna’s death strikes hard and sharp and true, it’s easy to try to loathe Tobirama for everything he’s done. Easy to fall back into the role of the bitter elder brother, but Madara’s been tearing himself in two for years now, and - and Izuna wanted him to be happy, even if Izuna wasn’t fully content with the outcome.

_I’m sorry_ , Izuna, Madara thinks, and it still rings true. He is. He’s sorry that Izuna died, he’s sorry that he couldn’t protect his last brother better, he’s sorry that somehow, Tobirama was Madara’s soulmate.

But time dulls all things, and now, the pain of Izuna’s death is just a touch less sharp, just a touch easier to breathe past, and so Madara can tell Tobirama that he loves him on days like these, and mean it without wanting to scream _I hate you._

“I’m sorry,” Tobirama murmurs in response, cupping Madara’s face. “I love you too. I’m sorry.”

“I know,” Madara tells him, and his voice is still rough, still scratchy, but he means it.

Tobirama cautiously pulls him into a hug, looser and less desperate than before, and Madara lets himself close his eyes and drift.

He wasn’t ready to let go of Izuna’s death. Not yet. But Madara thought that maybe, it’d be easier to love Tobirama and not feel guilty when dark, spiky hair thrown back into a ponytail came to mind. Maybe, he could think and hope and pray that Izuna’s words of _I want you to be happy, aniki_ , were really as simple as they sounded.

It wasn’t an instant solution, but it was a start. The first step in a winding staircase, and Madara hopes that someday, he’ll reach the top.

“I love you,” he whispers to Tobirama again, and can’t help the small, bittersweet smile when Tobirama holds him tighter and whispers back, “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> uhhhhhhh i hope you liked it?


End file.
